Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
