fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
