Where did you get a picture of my penis
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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