Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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