I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
