I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Damn victory sex feels great
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
