bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
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Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
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She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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