i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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