From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize