Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
