The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
