I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I look better un-naked...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
