you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
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omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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