WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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