a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
