i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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