My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
me + whiskey = a bad person
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
