My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
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i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.