Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?