Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."