I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.