I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.