i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head