Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
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Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
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I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.