so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
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I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
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I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.