lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal