Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
