moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
