There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
