but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
