i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
