i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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