I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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