I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize