ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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