To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize