I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
