She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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