You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
