Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
