she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize