how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
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I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
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He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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