You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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