i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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