i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
