Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
