I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I puked a lego.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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