At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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