shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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