Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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