Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
