I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize