I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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