please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
