i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize