On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize