You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
