$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
