i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
