So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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