Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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