4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
