The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
