Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
