she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
