I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
