mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
