my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize