we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
